The Real Cost of Purity Culture—and Why Healing Can’t Wait
For Those Leaving Evangelicalism or Deconstructing Faith
If you were raised in evangelical Christianity, you were likely shaped by purity culture.
You might have signed a pledge.
Worn a ring.
Been taught that your worth hinged on your sexual purity.
That your body was a temptation.
That desire was dangerous—especially if you weren’t married. And especially if you weren’t straight.
These messages were often delivered in the name of love, protection, or holiness. But many people have paid a devastating price for them.
Let’s name it plainly: the cost of evangelical purity culture has been people’s lives.
Not just metaphorically.
People have died by suicide. Stayed in abusive marriages. Disconnected from their bodies. Lost their sense of self.
That’s a high price to pay for trying to belong to a system that never fully made space for their humanity.
And I’ll be honest: I’m not hopeful the system will change fast enough to prevent further harm.
Some churches are evolving. But many aren’t.
Too many still silence survivors. Still shame queer people. Still teach that sexual desire—especially in women and queer folks—is something to fear or suppress.
And too many people are still suffering under the weight of all that.
But your healing doesn’t have to wait.
You don’t have to stay tangled in shame, fear, or silence.
You don’t have to wait for the system to catch up before you start reconnecting to your body, your truth, and your sense of sacredness.
You can begin now.
Who gets left out of purity culture?
Survivors of sexual abuse, who were told their worth was lost through no fault of their own.
People who didn’t marry young, or didn’t marry at all—and were treated as less-than.
Married people, who followed all the rules and still feel disconnected, ashamed, or stuck.
Anyone who explored their sexuality and was told they were “damaged goods.”
And queer and trans people, whose identities were erased or condemned entirely.
Purity culture is deeply heteronormative. It assumes a binary, heterosexual model of relationships and offers no space for those who fall outside that mold. Queer and trans people, in particular, were often made to feel that their very existence was wrong.
This isn’t just about beliefs—it’s about your body.
The messages of purity culture live on inside us.
In the nervous system.
In how we relate to ourselves and others.
In how we touch, speak, desire, or hide.
You might struggle with shame around sex or longing.
You might feel numb, disconnected, or confused about what you want.
You might be trying to rebuild a faith that actually fits—or wondering if that’s even possible.
Therapy can help. Healing can begin now.
In my work with individuals and couples, we untangle the damaging messages that purity culture left behind. Together, we make space for something more honest, embodied, and life-giving.
We explore:
What you were taught about sex, love, gender, and worth
How those teachings live in your body and nervous system
How to reclaim pleasure, connection, and personal agency
How to reconnect with what feels sacred and true—for you
This isn’t about rejecting everything you were taught.
It’s about healing what hurt you—and reclaiming what belongs to you.
You don’t need to wait for a church to change.
You don’t need to wait for your family to understand.
You don’t even need to be “ready.” You just need to start.
If you're in Colorado, we can work together in therapy.
If you're out of state, I offer coaching to support your healing.
Purity culture doesn’t get the final say.
You do.
You are not too broken.
You are not too late.
And you are absolutely not alone.
Ready to begin?
I offer therapy for clients in Colorado and coaching for clients outside the state.
If you’re ready to heal from purity culture, religious shame, or evangelical harm—and reconnect with your voice, your body, and your relationships—reach out for a free consultation.
You don’t have to wait for the system to change to begin your healing. You can start now.