Anxiety: Your Uninvited Third Wheel in Relationships
Anxiety is like that one friend who overstays their welcome. You didn’t invite them, they show up unannounced, and suddenly they’re weighing in on everything—from how you load the dishwasher to whether your partner actually meant that text the way they said they did. Fun, right?
If you’ve ever found yourself lying in bed replaying a conversation for the tenth time or tensing up when things get too quiet (because surely that means something is wrong), you’re not alone. Anxiety loves to take up space—not just in your mind but in your body, too. And when it comes to relationships, the effects can be surprisingly sneaky.
How Anxiety Shows Up in Your Body (Spoiler: It’s Not Just in Your Head)
You might think of anxiety as an overactive brain thing—and sure, it is. But your body is where it really gets to work. Here’s how anxiety might be pulling the strings behind the scenes:
Tension Headquarters: Your shoulders? Up by your ears. Jaw? Clenched like you’re preparing for a showdown. Chronic physical tension makes it harder to relax and connect with your partner—you’re too busy bracing for impact.
Fight, Flight, or Freeze (at the Worst Times): When anxiety gets loud, your nervous system responds like there’s a bear in the living room—even if it’s just a mildly awkward conversation. You might lash out (fight), shut down (freeze), or suddenly need to reorganize the pantry (flight).
Butterflies or Brick Wall? That fluttery feeling in your stomach isn’t just for first dates—anxiety can mess with digestion and make you feel like you swallowed a bowling ball. When your gut is tied up in knots, it’s no wonder you don’t feel present or grounded with your loved ones.
Breath? What Breath? Anxiety loves to hijack your breathing—shallow, fast, and up in your chest. And when your breath gets short, so does your patience.
How This Messes with Relationships (Because of Course It Does)
When your body is in a constant state of high alert, it’s easy to misread signals or react more strongly than you want to. Anxiety can:
Turn Small Things Into Big Things: Your partner forgets to text when they’re late, and suddenly your brain is writing a tragic love story of abandonment. Anxiety thrives on worst-case scenarios.
Block Vulnerability: When you’re in survival mode, opening up feels risky. Instead of sharing your worries, you might snap or withdraw—leaving your partner confused and wondering what they did wrong.
Create a "Me vs. You" Dynamic: Anxiety loves to position your partner as the problem rather than a teammate. Instead of tackling the issue together, it can feel like you’re in opposing corners of the ring.
Blame Your Parents (Kind Of)
Here’s the thing—most of us didn’t invent these patterns from scratch. We come by them honestly, often absorbing unspoken lessons from our families. If your caregivers struggled with anxiety, avoided tough conversations, or operated in survival mode, there’s a good chance you learned those patterns too. It’s not about blame—it’s about understanding that these patterns didn’t start with you, and they don’t have to end with you either. Therapy helps you notice where those old dynamics are running the show and gives you the tools to clean them up for good.
So, How Can Therapy Help? (No Magic Wands, But Close)
The good news? You don’t have to live in this anxiety-driven loop forever. Therapy—especially body-centered approaches—can help you quiet the noise and reconnect with yourself and your partner. Here’s how:
Slow the Spin: Somatic (body-based) practices can help you tune into your body’s signals and calm your nervous system. Imagine noticing tension before it turns into an argument or being able to take a breath when things feel overwhelming.
Name It to Tame It: When you understand how anxiety operates in your body, it’s easier to catch it in action. Therapy can help you track those patterns and shift from reactive to responsive.
Speak the Unspeakable: Anxiety loves silence—it grows in the dark. In therapy, you’ll practice having the hard conversations (without spiraling into disaster fantasies) and learn to express your needs without fear.
Reconnect with Each Other: Anxiety can make you feel isolated—even when you’re right next to the person you love. With support, you’ll learn how to move from tension to connection, fostering a relationship where both of you feel seen and supported.
You Don’t Have to Do This Alone
If anxiety has been the uninvited third wheel in your relationship, you’re not broken—and you’re definitely not alone. With the right support, you can quiet the noise, ease the tension, and build the kind of connection where you and your partner feel like a team again (no pantry reorganizing required).
If you’re ready to stop letting anxiety call the shots, I’m here to help. I specialize in working with couples and individuals who want to move from survival mode to real, lasting connection. Let’s take that first step together—reach out, and we’ll start untangling it all, one breath at a time.