When the Bright Side Becomes a Blind Spot
Toxic positivity and religious trauma can block real healing. This October, as the world darkens, learn why embracing life’s shadow side can help you reclaim self-worth, honesty, and wholeness after trauma.
October is my favorite month. The light softens, the air cools, and the natural world begins its slow descent into darkness. We play with fear and mystery — and in a strange way, we celebrate death.
I love that about this time of year. It reminds us that darkness isn’t something to avoid or fear. It’s part of the cycle — a necessary pause, a place of rest, decay, and renewal.
Death is not the end of life; it’s part of it.
And yet, in our everyday lives, we do everything we can to resist that truth. We cling to light, to positivity, to the bright side. But when we do that, we often lose something essential: our capacity to be fully alive.
The Hidden Cost of Always Looking on the Bright Side
We’re taught to look for the silver lining — to stay grateful, to stay upbeat, to move on quickly from pain.
But if you’ve lived through trauma, loss, or painful relationships, you may already know how that message can sting. “Stay positive” can become a way to silence what’s real.
It might sound like:
“At least it wasn’t worse.”
“Everything happens for a reason.”
“You just need to focus on the good.”
These phrases can soothe discomfort in the moment, but they also send a quiet message: your pain isn’t welcome here. Over time, that disconnects us — from our bodies, our truth, and our capacity to feel joy that’s real, not forced.
When Religion Makes It Hard to Feel the Dark
For many people healing from religious trauma, this discomfort with darkness runs even deeper.
You might have been taught that “light” is good and “darkness” is evil — that doubt, anger, or sadness mean you’re failing spiritually. Maybe you learned that to be “faithful” meant to always be joyful, thankful, and selfless, no matter what was happening inside.
That teaching can make it almost impossible to be human. When pain becomes a moral failure, we split off from ourselves. We start performing light instead of living honestly. We bypass grief and anger — the very emotions that, if allowed, could lead us back to wholeness.
Healing from religious trauma often means reclaiming what was labeled “dark” — the earthy, emotional, embodied parts of us that were never wrong, just human.
The Difference Between Hope and Avoidance
Hope and light have their place. They help us remember what’s possible.
But when we use them to avoid truth, they lose their strength.
Real hope doesn’t deny pain — it stands beside it and says, You belong here too.
That’s what I love about October: it teaches us that life and death, joy and grief, growth and decay all exist together. We can hold both. That’s real resilience.
Letting the Full Spectrum In
When we allow the full range of human experience — the beauty and the heartbreak, the growth and the letting go — we become grounded, honest, and free. Our nervous systems begin to settle. Our relationships deepen. We start to trust that truth, even when it’s dark, is a doorway to connection.
This season, instead of reaching for the bright side, try sitting in the soft dark. Light a candle. Let the quiet speak. You might find that the very place you’ve been avoiding is where life begins again.
If You’re Healing From Religious or Relational Trauma
If you’re tired of pretending everything’s fine or using positivity to hold things together, therapy can help.
In my practice, I support individuals and couples healing from religious trauma, relational disconnection, and the fear of being “too much.” Together, we make space for all of it — the light, the dark, and everything in between — so you can feel more whole, connected, and alive.
If this speaks to you, I have a new group beginning soon for those healing from religious trauma and learning to reclaim their inner truth and embodied wisdom.
It’s a space to explore what happens when you stop performing “light” and start living from your whole self — emotions, body, and all.
You can learn more and sign up here — or reach out if you’d like to talk about whether it’s the right fit for you.